Ok, this is really long, but I know some of you are interested. Don't feel that you have to read it, though.
At about 3:00 am on Monday the 3rd, Labor Day :), I started having contractions. I couldn’t sleep through them, but I tried to sleep between them. They were no more than 15 minutes apart, so I soon gave up on the sleeping. I woke Robert up around 5 am, and told him what was going on. I didn’t think it was the real thing, but I was using my hypnobirthing and felt like the contractions needed concentration to get through. In retrospect, I probably should have been trying to be distracted and this point instead of tiring myself out early. Robert and I went for a walk by the river and called our parents. We said that we didn’t know if this was it, but to stand by. A couple of times, the contractions mellowed out, but for the most part they were 1 to 15 minutes apart all day and took my attention to get through. I did a lot of slow breathing and relaxing. We watched a few movies and called the hospital to see if they could tell if this was the real thing, which they can’t. At about 7 pm the contractions started to get much more intense and were spaced 3-5 minutes apart. Although I had planned to stay at home as long as possible, I started to worry about getting to the hospital and having to check in while my labor was really intense. I started to feel a really strong urge to be settled somewhere, I wanted to be where I was going to be so I could concentrate on the labor. We decided to go to the hospital at about 9:30. We stopped at Target along the way, I stayed in the car, for batteries for the cd player we were bringing. By the time we got parked and got to the Labor and Delivery ward it was 10:30 pm. They took me into triage, and I was still doing a good job relaxing. I had to change into a gown and have the fetal monitor on. It seemed like everything was taking forever. I just wanted to be in the room with Robert and be able to go into labor land. I got a little testy with Robert at this point. The contractions were coming much closer together and the one I had when my water broke was very painful. He was a little overwhelmed and didn’t quite know what to say. Other than that one moment, he was really wonderful, strong and supportive the whole time. Anyway, my water broke on the triage table with quite a gush and that is an automatic admission, so they didn’t check how dilated I was. We walked to the labor room. Let me just say that the nurses and midwife I had were really great and they were very compliant with my birth plan, but it seemed like there was endless stuff that had to be done and they wouldn’t just leave us alone! I was feeling like I must have made a lot of progress, at least 5 cm, I thought. At about 12 am, they checked me, I don’t remember why, but they told me I was 3 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I was crushed! I knew that I would be crushed if I head a low number and that’s why I originally didn’t want to hear, but I needed to know how things were going. I said “You’ve got to be kidding me!” and that’s when I brought up drugs. This would have been a good time for a doula. The nurse and midwife tried to convince me that the effacing was really hard to do and that I had done a lot of work, but I was just crestfallen. I was very tired and it seemed like there was no break between the contractions. I had wanted to go in the shower, but it kept getting put off and now it seemed too late. I just wanted some rest! They told me about some non-narcotic drug that would work right away and lower the pain of the contractions (yes, at this point I am using non-hypnobirthing words like pain and contraction). I decided to get it, although at this point I’m not sure why. I felt totally drugged. I was woozy and dizzy and had to lie in bed, which was the worst position for my contractions. I felt like the contractions were exactly the same and it didn’t help at all, but Robert said that on the monitor you cold tell they were much harder. I still couldn’t get any rest with this drug because every contraction woke me up. I must have seemed like I was more relaxed because everyone left me alone in the bed, but I felt awful! I just couldn’t say it. I listened to the Rainbow Relaxation ( it's a hypnobirthing relaxation cd) over and over during this time. After a few hours of feeling totally drunk, I asked for the epidural. I was so glad that I did this because I was able to sleep for half an hour. The drunk feeling wore off and I just got some rest. I was so relieved. All I wanted was to see Maya; I didn’t care about how. I could still feel contractions, particularly on my left side (the side that always hurt during pregnancy). My in-laws arrived sometime after I got the epidural, so I was basically asleep most of that time. I was happy when I could feel that I was in transition, I could feel her pushing on my cervix. I tried to stay very relaxed and not let on that her birth was so near because I was going to try birth breathing still and I didn’t want them to know when I started. Unfortunately, the nurse came to check me and saw that I was complete and started getting everyone ready for pushing.
I actually really liked pushing! Of course, I had an epidural to lessen the feelings, I only pushed for 35 minutes and Maya was only 5 lbs 3 oz. Robert was on my right and my mother-in-law was on my left. As I started pushing, it was around 6 am and I could tell that the sun was coming up. I took my time and used birth breathing for most of the time. I wanted to do this slowly to minimize tearing. Close to the end, maybe the last 10 minutes, they had me start holding my breath while I pushed. I didn’t want to do this, but it was more productive. I didn’t count to ten or anything, I just held my breath as I bore down and then breathed. It felt wonderful to be active in my birth since I was kind of down about getting the epidural. As Maya came out, I saw her face and I thought, “she looks like me!” I looked out the window and the sun had come up, it was really beautiful. They put her on my tummy because her cord was too short to reach my chest. Once the cord stopped pulsing, Robert cut it and put her on my chest. She nursed a little almost right away! She didn’t cry much; even then, she was sweet from the start.
My thoughts about the experience afterwards were surprising to me. I had always thought that birth would be this transformative spiritual experience, but in a selfish way. That it would be about me, and my strength and learning what I can do. Really, it was all about Maya. All I cared about was her and seeing her and holding her. Yes, not having drugs would have been better for her, but she nursed right away and was with us for an hour before anyone else touched her, and they did everything we asked regarding her care.
I am surprised now by how humbling an experience this birth turned out to be. I had to be prepared to change my plans, and ask for help when I needed it. Perhaps, with a doula and maybe a birth tub, this would have been a different story, but I am not sad about the way my baby girl entered the world. To me it was magical. During her birth, I learned that just touching Robert mad me feel instantly better, and I met the most perfect precious little girl in the world. With these feelings, I have started my little family, and I can’t wait to see where God will take us!
